I Put On My Worried Shoes: I Need A Bit Of A Rant And This Is The Only Place To Do It Really

Monday, 9 November 2009

I Need A Bit Of A Rant And This Is The Only Place To Do It Really

I've had a bit of a shitty weekend if I'm being honest, had some weird thoughts. After checking my bank account I'm going to have to talk to my parents amount my frivolous spending habits. I need to talk to somebody about it really. I've already spoken to my friends from New Zealand about it.

I need to start eating proper meals aswell: breakfast, lunch, dinner. In that order. A lack of order/system/routine/control in our country would lead to disarray/disruption/chaos/anarchy. The same can be said for the human body aswell. If you fail to have some kind of structure you are fucked. I have problems with structure though, it's so boring. Do this first, do that next, then do this, after that, do this. I mean just seriously is this the monotonous life we have to have when we are put on this planet. Apologies if this is coming out as written vomit. I need to a vent. This post may get deleted within a few days.

I don't have problems with repetition however, actually I do. What I mean to say is that I don't mind repeating things if i can get something more out of doing it again. Yet this doesn't explain why i've watched the two episodes of Waterloo Road (great program btw) that are on iPlayer at least four times each. Am I getting anything out of it, probably not but it's still really good. To be fair some people probably do this with the X Factor. I'd scoff in their faces if they told me this. Not a good reaction really. I have no idea where I am going with this. I'm likely to stay awake until tomorrows lecture, this is a bad thing. I'll be cranky I won't make notes and then I'll come home and sleep til eleven and I'll have missed the whole day.

I'm not sure what I was trying to accomplish by posting this. I certainly don't feel that much better. Oh well who knows maybe I'll feel better after I've spoken to my parents. Anyway enough my ranting. It's Alex Cull's birthday today, or sometime this weekend just gone, or maybe tuesday. Anyway it's near and Alex this is for you.

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Thoughts

half of the people in the world are fucking awful. half of the people in the world are pretty fucking cool. if we added cowbell to everything there would be more cows and a lot more joy. coffee is as bad as alcohol. some days vinyl is better than cds. on other days its the other way round. money is finite. i never have enough. money or music. if i talk to you i'm either being polite or i actually like you. most likely the latter. if i don't talk to you i'm either feeling shy or i think you're a bit of a cunt. most likely the former. i have a tendency to cry at films. or at least well up. my room is generally really messy apart from my books, cds, & dvds are all in order. there genuinely is a sock monster in every washing machine. i could talk for days. to myself. not to other people. i hate talking on the phone. i can't see you. i also hate giving eye contact. that's really bad. if i tell you a secret i really do trust you. i trust four people. all girls. i'd like to drink coffee on the streets of paris. writing a novel. or a short story. well who wouldn't. i tend to dream. i procrastinate for days on end. i'm doing it right now. its what you like. not what you are like. that matters. its shallow but true. if you have nothing to connect over. you're fucked. i wish i could float. not literally. maybe metaphorically. theres nothing better than a bit of steve reich at 4am. apart from fresh socks. seriously comfy. cheesy garlic bread after a night out. just hanging out. lying on the grass. staring at the sun. writing nonsense. i think i listen to music. because i can't play any instrument really. if i was do to karaoke. it'd be either the hives, the datsuns, the white stripes, the vines. i can't sing. i can't rap. doritos are the best crisps. anyone who says otherwise has never eaten them. if you were to compare doritos to an artist it would be. t-rex. would it though. music is finite. music is infinite. its very likely i'm going to die in a fire. clothes on wires and near plugs. dangerous. i could play fifa for days on end. on the ps3. not a 360. my tiny hands. hate the controller. being awake when everyone else is asleep. is the fucking best. why. who knows. who the fuck cares. they're asleep. i don't have to explain myself. black & white photography has. so much emotion. more than colour. you can paint it yourself. would a black & white world have more emotion. the world is in (allegedlly) glorious technicolour. as okkervil river said. don't fall in love with everyone you see. this is also dangerous. smoking might be unhealthy. but it sure as fuck looks cool. people worry too much. about what other people think about them. i know i do. wear comfy clothes. you'll feel better about yourself. do what you want to do. listen to other people. selectively. some advice is awesome. the rest will be pish. book a flight. travel to places you'll never forget. you might find someone. that someone. i'd like a new laptop. life is not a pre planned multimap journey. its about ups and downs. downs and ups. it might be like climbing mount everest. i don't know. i've never done that. mount everest. i'm doing life right now. but am i. have i been here before. i get serious deja vu most days. i want to walk up and down the side of the motorway. not because i'm weird. i've never done it. does anyone do it. well i'm sure people do. i might start carrying a pillow around with me. it'd make napping easier. if you've tried something. and you don't like it. don't do it again. if it makes you uncomfortable. do something different. don't conform to societies expectations. everyone is different. minor details. are important. those things that make you tick. those things that make your skin crawl. my philosophies have little to no structure. thinking is the greatest weapon. talking is the worst. if you haven't fully thought. i'd like to be able to draw. somethings just can't be written. you have to see them. feel them. appreciate them. take it to your heart. keep it there. lock it away. though. don't lock up your feelings. locked up feelings. are like big cats in zoos. trapped. if you open the gate. all that rage will fly out. causing havoc. until you have been. tranquilized. fear is fucking horrible. when you can feel. the blood. running up and down. your body. fight or flight situations. are ten a penny. i seem to face them most days. there should be sofas where park benches are. mind you. old people would be sat there. all the time. unable to get up. my radiator is making a funny noise. i sometimes think i'd like kids.other days not so much. reading opens up the mind. i don't read enough. well not novels. magazines are pretty rad. i'm sad that plan b is no more. really good magazine. i look at wikipedia for hours on end. its hacked and edited occasionally. this makes me laugh. if you can't laugh at yourself. laugh at other people. when they're not there. sometimes i wish i could just wake up. somewhere else. not because i hate where i am. more because i dream. of other places. of other people. of other cultures. other cities. other art. tim gane deserves a knighthood. well probably not. i'd like to spend a day with everyone i know. in a conservatory. talking about their life. with tea and biscuits. and background jazz. then walking through a big city a night. staring at the people who populate our streets. people are always in a rush. i notice this on the tube. more than anywhere else. people pushing and shoving. to get somewhere. take your time. there'll be another train along in a couple of minutes. calm down. the world will slow down with you. if you want it to. we don't have to live at this super fast pace. take your time. not too much time. don't waste it. appreciate it. i am shit scared of driving. i have no idea why. i have nver been in a car accident. or known anyone who has had one. its weird. i'd like to say it's the unpredictability of the roads. but it isn't. thom yorke can't drive. neither can dylan moran. this makes me feel a little bit better. ideally i'd like to eat croissants for breakfast. every day. so crumbly. however i tend to feel sick in the morning. or when i wake up. whatever time. i usually eat about three hours after waking. although i could change. if needed. do they eat sushi. for breakfast. in japan. i want to go to japan. this fascination is only due to. lost in translation. if i'm being honest. bill murray is a cool motherfucker. he knows whats happening. connected. yet disconnected. i first saw him in space jam. thats a shit movie really. i used to be quite good. at basketball. football is another matter. i thought i was good. i wasn't. i never will be. people can be pretty fucking heartless sometimes. i've learned to accept this. as part of life. i can't remember the last time i went on a rollercoaster. this upsets me a little bit. not enough to make me cry. enough to make me nostalgic for my childhood. children are so fucking innocent. its unreal. yet totally endearing. they stare at the world. taking every moment for what it is.asking questions. about what they don't know. why do we grow up.

Monday, 9 November 2009

I Need A Bit Of A Rant And This Is The Only Place To Do It Really

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